I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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