I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
