I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
