is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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