Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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