i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
