pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
