I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
