Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
