Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
