when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
