She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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