im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
