how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
as a side note pls kill me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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