i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
not ubering you a puppy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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