just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she woke up with a sticky ear
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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