Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
