come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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