It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
