yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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