I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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