I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have aggressive nipples.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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