he puts the penis in happiness.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
