she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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