The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
