Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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