dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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