So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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