Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
