Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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