I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
