well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
