No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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