I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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