If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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