Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Vodka?
Forever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
