He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
