just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My underwear smells like fireworks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
