Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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