I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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