How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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