You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
