I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
