Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
