: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
