we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
