And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
