I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
