you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
