I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
