man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
