you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
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