I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
