im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
