Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
