Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I touched a dick in church today
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
