the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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