He uses pillows to masturbate.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
