If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
