I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
