Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
