it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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