we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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