i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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