Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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