; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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