I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
