Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
