WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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