i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
