Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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