I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
