Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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