i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
