Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
