we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
