i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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